I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
honey bunches of taint.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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