This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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