if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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