how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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