you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize