Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize