I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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