yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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