my vag is so smooth its legendary
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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