literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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