yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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