Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want a musical about memes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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