Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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