Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize