My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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