The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize