Apparently you make a good broom.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he shaved USA in his pubs
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
