Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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