It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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