She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize