my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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