Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
