just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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