I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize