So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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