i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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