the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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