I CAN MOONWALK!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize