she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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