All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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