my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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