that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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