Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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