i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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