If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize