Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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