I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize