why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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