man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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