My liver just broke up with me...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize