There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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