So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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