wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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