Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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