I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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