You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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