Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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