He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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