dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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