She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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